Maastricht is behind me and am now settled back in Finland. Despite some major changes in both the decor of my house as well as the number of inhabitants my life here seems to quickly return to what it always is here. For some weird reason, I always seem to find myself too occupied to spend much time online despite having very little to do. This I have deduced is because I'm not living alone. In Maas I was free to do as I wanted most of the time and at home merely spoke to people on the phone or skype. Here I have to keep up a conversation on a regular basis and partake in house chores based on not my own will but how my mother and sister choose. The worst part is that I find it really difficult to be with people for a prolonged period of time. I'm so just so accustomed to solitude that when I'm in company I tend to grab a book and immerse in that, leading to Minna sometimes talking to me and me not hearing her. I guess I was made to be a hermit.
I've already gotten some curious enquiries as to what have I been doing here. And though "nothing" doesn't appease anyone as an answer, it describes my feelings quite aptly. I mean yes, I read the entire Twilight saga in two days. I sometimes scare myself as to how quickly I can read, also takes some of the excitement away. Then I had some friends over for a Singstar party after which we "went out" in Lohja. The walk to town was nice as was the singstar but going out in Lohja is not really my cup of tea. I don't know the people here and Finnish people don't get acquinted with new people so it usually makes me feel like an outsider. Then we did the very Finnish thing of getting something to eat after a night out from these kind of like hotdog stands... The queue was immensely long and combining that with drunken Finns obviously there was a fight as well. A young couple vs. a young boy and his mother. The women had their own argument whilst the boys took it out on a more physical way and the police came to break it up. I found it melancholic and scary, it was so ordinary that people just stood and laughed whilst on the other hand the people fighting could have just as easily find something offensive in me and take it out on me. From what I have seen, Finns are the most agressive nation when drunk. Even worse than Brits.
Essentially I feel out of place in Finland. The one thing tying me to this country is the language and even that is going down the drain. I went to the dentist where my Estonian dentist commented on my accented Finnish. I even sound foreign now. In addition to feeling out of place in my home country, I should be working on my thesis which has zero appeal to me. So I keep postponing it. Hopefully it'll be done at some point.
But what keeps me going is the prospect of escaping this once I'm done with my thesis. I am counting on going to Bulgaria to see Kalina and possibly some other friends as well for a Maas-reunion by the beach. In addition me and Minna would love to have a short girlie week off somewhere, preferably Greece or Turkey. And what I wouldn't give to be able to visit Italy over the summer. But so far these are only plans, of their probability I know not. Since I haven't got a job seems somewhat unlikely. But fingers crossed.
No comments:
Post a Comment