Things that make me write

Funny how it always seem to be the negative things that make me pick up my virtual pen and write an entry here. I've been having a perfectly wonderful time recently but have not really felt like writing about it here. I've restrained myself not only because of lack of time but also because I have a feeling it might come out slightly derogative and I would not want to condense the happy times in a few sentences like: I had a lovely time, met lovely people etc.

But what sparked my motivation to write tonight is that I was researching for my thesis - yes, the motivation is slowly creeping in, happily coinciding with the approaching deadline - and discovered an anomaly. Looking through Finnish books on the topic of my dissertation I discovered that my local library, Lohja's library, actually is as well stocked as Helsinki University's library. Extremely odd, don't you think? Given that there are about as many students at Helsinki University as there are inhabitants in my hometown.

Generally things are pretty much the same as ever. Still no definate plans for the rest of the summer, situation with the parents is still... flammable, avoiding thesis and so forth. I have no job for the summer so I've been pretty active with selling loads of stuff at the flea market. The things people buy, honestly... The crappiest things always get sold first. I'm happy I just leave my stuff there and don't have to see the people who buy it or I might sigh everytime they make a stupid purchase. But as long as the money keeps pouring in I'm not one to complain...

I've also been *horrible* with keeping in touch with people so if you consider yourself a close friend of mine and haven't heard from me, don't take it personally. It's just that not being online 10 hours a day cuts down my correspondence a lot. So all my love to everyone and have a lovely July if I don't get to say it to you personally.

Love you much.

How to pass the time

If it weren't for facebook, I might have easily forgotten I ever went to Maastricht, things here have gone back to how they always were. I even have a daily routine. *gasp* During the weeks it's basically me sitting in front of the television or laptop, just passing the time. Then during the weekends the girls come here and we have some fun.

Last weekend we set about to make our own version of Lohja's Next Top Model. It was sooo much fun. I was the stylist/hairdresses/make-up artist/creative director/photographer. The girls randomly chose their "personalities", we had a shy girl (that forgot that she was meant to be shy quite often) from Sammatti, fierce black girl from the Centre, the bitch from Ojamo and nice & religious but insecure about her body girl from Vivamo. We even had those videos where the girls bitch about fellow contestants on camera, I'll see whether I can download them here.

Aside from that nothing major has happened. Me and Minna plan to make money by hitting the flea markets with all the stuff we need to get rid off (I have a huge black bag full of clothes that I don't need!). Then tomorrow I'm meeting with one of my friends I haven't seen for probably a year now and possibly see her boyfriend of like 3 years also for the first time.

The most exciting thing to look forward to is midsummer, juhannus, when Triin will be in Finland and we're going to her friend's boyfriend's cabin in Hanko. Wicked!

Back in the old country

Maastricht is behind me and am now settled back in Finland. Despite some major changes in both the decor of my house as well as the number of inhabitants my life here seems to quickly return to what it always is here. For some weird reason, I always seem to find myself too occupied to spend much time online despite having very little to do. This I have deduced is because I'm not living alone. In Maas I was free to do as I wanted most of the time and at home merely spoke to people on the phone or skype. Here I have to keep up a conversation on a regular basis and partake in house chores based on not my own will but how my mother and sister choose. The worst part is that I find it really difficult to be with people for a prolonged period of time. I'm so just so accustomed to solitude that when I'm in company I tend to grab a book and immerse in that, leading to Minna sometimes talking to me and me not hearing her. I guess I was made to be a hermit.

I've already gotten some curious enquiries as to what have I been doing here. And though "nothing" doesn't appease anyone as an answer, it describes my feelings quite aptly. I mean yes, I read the entire Twilight saga in two days. I sometimes scare myself as to how quickly I can read, also takes some of the excitement away. Then I had some friends over for a Singstar party after which we "went out" in Lohja. The walk to town was nice as was the singstar but going out in Lohja is not really my cup of tea. I don't know the people here and Finnish people don't get acquinted with new people so it usually makes me feel like an outsider. Then we did the very Finnish thing of getting something to eat after a night out from these kind of like hotdog stands... The queue was immensely long and combining that with drunken Finns obviously there was a fight as well. A young couple vs. a young boy and his mother. The women had their own argument whilst the boys took it out on a more physical way and the police came to break it up. I found it melancholic and scary, it was so ordinary that people just stood and laughed whilst on the other hand the people fighting could have just as easily find something offensive in me and take it out on me. From what I have seen, Finns are the most agressive nation when drunk. Even worse than Brits.

Essentially I feel out of place in Finland. The one thing tying me to this country is the language and even that is going down the drain. I went to the dentist where my Estonian dentist commented on my accented Finnish. I even sound foreign now. In addition to feeling out of place in my home country, I should be working on my thesis which has zero appeal to me. So I keep postponing it. Hopefully it'll be done at some point.

But what keeps me going is the prospect of escaping this once I'm done with my thesis. I am counting on going to Bulgaria to see Kalina and possibly some other friends as well for a Maas-reunion by the beach. In addition me and Minna would love to have a short girlie week off somewhere, preferably Greece or Turkey. And what I wouldn't give to be able to visit Italy over the summer. But so far these are only plans, of their probability I know not. Since I haven't got a job seems somewhat unlikely. But fingers crossed.